headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
