..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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