Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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