Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
