apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
