He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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