he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
