So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
