Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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