even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
