you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
