why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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