I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
