he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
