She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize