I wanna bring you to show and tell
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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