the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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