Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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