I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
