listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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