im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I AM VODKA MAN
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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