So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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