did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
