now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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