What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
