hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
