I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
