Im at strip club and am horny
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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