do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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