the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
