I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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