im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If i come over, it means nothing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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