so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
