Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
