i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
