You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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