I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
