We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
