Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
