For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
