Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
