But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
