that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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