R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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