You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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