I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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