My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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