You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
