Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
