drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
