i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
