I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
