he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
