i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
