he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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