All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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