all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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