Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
