You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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