Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
