He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
