"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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