That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
