i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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