Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
