I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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