You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
