I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
