Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
