Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I AM VODKA MAN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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