So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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