OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
