If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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