My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
