Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
