I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
