evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
