is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
