Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's shark week go big or go home
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
